The wedding itself represents a life-long commitment to loving your spouse. But, things don’t go as planned and this commitment is cut short by divorce. If the cliché saying “over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce” were true, what makes marriage such a seductive plan?
Comedian Amy Schumer’s character in the film Trainwreck, about a contrarian woman’s perspective on marriage, had strong opinions on the issue.
“Monogamy isn’t realistic,” Schumer’s character proclaimed.
This, however, may not be completely off-base as studies show that since around 1990 marriage rates have dropped significantly. Coincidentally, people feel more comfortable with the concept marriage alternatives.
In the United States around the 1970s there were remarkably high divorce rates which could be a result of several factors affected by laws addressing gender and racial liberation, as well as the acceptance of no-fault divorces in many states. This spike was then followed by the relative levelling-out of the divorce rate, as people became less likely to engage in marriage in the first place.
Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers justify this drastic decline in marriage rates following the 1970s as a modern model for building a family.
“The economic theory of the family as originally developed was a theory of household formation, rather than a theory of legal marriage. Couples have become increasingly likely to form households without entering into a marriage, adding a new dimension for considering decisions surrounding family formation,” Stevenson and Wolfers wrote.
Invention, technological advancements, and advertising can guide the norms of relationships within society. These are exemplified by the advent of the twin bed, use of tinder, and marketing the diamond ring as the key to life-long marital happiness.
In a study conducted by Stevenson and Wolfers concluded that, “Indeed, even as surveys show that married people are happier than those who are not married, our analysis of self-reported happiness and marital histories in the British Household Panel Survey reveals that singles who are the happiest are also the most likely to marry in the future,” Wolfers said. Thus, suggesting the institution of marriage is deeply engrained in our society.
The happiness finding, however, does not remain consistent across all marital scenarios. And, the study goes further to include the discrepancy that those more inclined to share their lives in marriage are wealthy, happy, and healthy.
Jannette Jordyn – 57, was married for 20 years to the same man with whom she had three children. She but decided to divorce her long-time husband due to the frequency of altercations within the household.
“My husband and I weren’t getting along at all anymore. It got to a point when we were fighting in front of the kids so often, I thought it wasn’t healthy,” Jordyn said.
Having children in marriage is a big factor restraining couples from participating in a divorce, however. This is in part due to extraneous circumstances which may implicate the child, such as custody issues and child support.
In an empirical study conducted by Elizabeth Peters, certain factors of a marriage were analyzed with respect to their causal relationship to the nuances in divorce law. Peters suggested that the desire to divorce your spouse may be inherent as a human being.
“Divorce occurs when it is efficient,” Peters concluded.
Various factors of a relationship such as having children, status differences, and the state which you live in, affect the outcome of a marriage. The results of such research regarding divorce rates may compel individuals to seek alternatives to the traditional marriage. If monogamy is thought to be completely fallible, what about polyamory or open relationships?
In a 2017 New York Times article, married couples shared their experiences attempting open relationships. There is generally hesitancy when entering an open relationship as a straight married person because of the unorthodoxy of the concept. However, due to a lack of such a traditional marital model, gay couples may feel more comfortable turning to an open relationship.
“’I find it more impressive when straight couples are open,’ said Logan Ford, 29, who is married and lives in New York. ‘Gay couples know from the beginning they have to create their own thing.’” the article stated.
As younger generations who grew up with casual dating app technology, the concept of marriage may look different altogether.
College student, Aislinn Katic, utilizes the popular dating, app Bumble. The app is designed to encouraged women to make the first move, contrary to the tradition of men approaching women. Katic expressed that this featuring is empowering, as she’s able to dictate who she engages with.
“It feels awkward at first, but I’d prefer to deal with the initial weirdness than having creepy guys trying to talk to me. But, it’s not like I’m trying to marry any of them,” Katic said.
With the advancement of technology, there is general consensus among young people that marriage may be fraught with hopelessness. Popular dating apps like Tinder perpetuate the concept of causal hook-ups. The OkCupid dating app has a feature which allows you to set your profile to “nonmonogomous”, actively normalizing the once taboo practice.
There seems to be a shift in how people view marriage as a natual progression in a relationship. Katic certainly does not think it a requirement for her future.
“My parents are divorced which make me a little weary of the idea of marriage. I’m not completely against it, but I’d be willing to really wait and consider all my options before commiting to someone.” Katic said.
The MFJS Reporter -- Winter 2020 M-W 